Just some thoughts...about LIFE

Billions are breathing
Masses are meditating on meaning
Those living are learning
Those learning are living.
Those LOVING are learning and living.

I'm kinda liking this "life" thing.
Yeah, it's complicated, but only cuz we make it that way. Listen.
You might say people are selfish freaks, and don't understand you, or that you wanna live your own life and people need to back off...but step back and look...

Life means we're living; we're breathing.
Life means we learn, we struggle, we go places, we make friends, we communicate, we interact, we smile, we desire, we need, we go unnoticed, we take the blame, we give, we receive, we wanna be appreciated, we grow up, we mess up, we fall in love, we can't understand, we wait, we rush, we change, we feel, we wonder, we need answers, we laugh, we trust, we forgive, we doubt, we worry, we hope.
It's not about each separate person. We're all living. Right here, right now...


isn't it weird that we were Created to think and live...like this?

people have been living for.....ever. and it's been working for them
the world's not gonna fall apart.
it just isn't.
It can't.

Us people
We don't understand.
we just don't
we're too small, too insignificant
God isn't.
that's why He made us, and He's the go-to man
just don't worry, okay?

Life is like this.
things happen
no getting around it.
the only thing for certain? uncertainty.
That's the hardest thing, but it's life.
don't think so much about doing LIFE as you do about just LIVING
it's really what counts
it's not a tragedy when things don't go as planned. God planned it that way.
our lives are but vapors.....
but HE, HE, is our forever rock....the best EVER.
And he's NOT letting go.
We're not going SOLO in this struggle for full understanding, recognition and love.


Don't take life for granted.


please, HOPE.
once you grasp that rope...
even the frayed end,
you're holding on FOREVER.

.

Exciting Day, Busy Summer, Wonderful Life

And....just to figure out ahead of time (even if it changes) to figure out kinda what I'm headed towards. I LOVE this song.

There's just something about Chris Rice's music that makes me smile almost every time I listen to it. :]

Too many emotions

David, my oldest brother, graduated from Wheaton College in Chicago, Illinois the beginning of May. It was around the time of mother's day, my grandma's 70th, and my mom's birthday, so all my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents met in Chicago for a reunion. It was great seeing everybody again. On our way to Chicago, we stopped in St. Louis for a night to see my other grandparents. It was Thursday when we saw my grandpa. He had Parkinson's disease, and was going down hill very quickly. He was losing his appetite, and losing weight. He was so weak when we saw him. I had never been with him when he couldn't even say hello or turn his head. He heard everything we said to him....he just couldn't communicate. It broke my heart. He wasn't the old Papa I used to know--the man who always made hilarious jokes and kept us smiling. No, he was motionless. Brian and I sang him a few songs and read him some verses from the Bible. Our family prayed for him before we left and told him his granddaughter and daughter in law were going to come see him this weekend. We headed to Chicago and had a busy weekend there. We drove on Friday morning from Wheaton to my Uncle's house about an hour away from campus. It was great. It was such pretty neighborhood. We saw my cousins, Anna and James. They are adorable. =]p We spent the whole day there as the other family members arrived, and we all reunited and it was amazing. I loooove my family. Saturday, we went to this fancy hotel where the rest of our family was staying--the Drake. We hung out there for a while. This happened right outside the hotel-- http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/05/possible-police-involved-shooting-near-drake-hotel.html
That was really exciting...since at first everything was so unclear, it was fun trying to guess what had happened from what we heard and by looking at the police cars. =]
Sunday, there was a baccalaureate service in honor of the graduates--it was good. After that, there was a brunch that all the family came to. Yum. That was the last time we were going to see all the family members on this trip, so we took group pics, and said our goodbyes. :[ We went to David's apartment to get him packed up and moved out. We packed and cleaned for a while until it was time to go to the actual commencement ceremony. There were 597 graduates. :[p It ended up going pretty quickly though..and we got to scream for David when he went up..so that was fun. He graduated summa cum laude (with highest honors). =] I like him. A lot. The day after graduation, he left for Europe with his singing group. They are singing at churches and orphanages. It was hard saying goodbye to him again too. He'll be home late this Monday night. I can't wait to see him.
But back to the trip....Monday morning, on my mom's birthday, we got the news: my grandpa had passed away. it was REALLY hard. We were planning on driving back to St. Louis that day anyway, and were going to visit him on our way out to KS. But...he...was...gone. We stayed at my aunt's house again, and it was good spending time with them (my aunt, uncle and cousins) after seeing them in Chicago. We stayed there from Monday until Thursday. We got to chill and hang out at the house, although at moments it was hardly relaxing, just because I was so ready for the week to be over. I kept just wanting to cry.....we had been away from home since Wednesday the week before, so it had only been about a week and a day total. It felt like months to me. I wanted to be home. My mom actually drove to KS on Tuesday to get things from home like my grandad's paintings (he was awesome artist), and some pictures for a slideshow of him to have at the funeral. She drove back the same day. Thursday was the funeral. Brian and I sang I will Rise (Chris Tomlin). I could sense whenever anyone else started to cry, and that made me think of crying... so it was hard to sing, but we did okay. We all drove to the cemetery and since my grandpa fought in WWII and was AMAZING, he had the flag draped over his casket, and two people in uniform folded it and there was a cool ceremony for him to honor his service. There was a gun salute and it was loud. They played the taps. It hit everybody then. All he had done for his country and for everyone he knew. He was a great man. My grandma had a hard time. I felt really bad for her. Al the family members went out to lunch after the funeral. I realized I not only saw everyone on my mom's side of the family that week, but I saw many family members on my dad's side because of the funeral and stuff. That was good...but exhausting. haha. =] I saw my cousin. he's old...er. He has two daughters and is a lawer, so, I keep forgetting he's not my uncle. =] I hadn't seen him in over 8 years, and wondered if he'd remember me, but when he saw me, he gave me a big hug and called me "peanut". =]p That made me happy. Just that he showed me I was special. I can't imagine going through that day without him...he was a blessing to me---he kept me smiling throughout the day. What's next...um, it was in the afternoon on Thursday, and we went back to our aunt's house to pack up our stuff (which we had a ton of) in the two cars we had with us (for a couple reasons). We got to hang out with our cousins for a while before leaving, which made my night. I would have gone home more depressed and emotional otherwise. I was so exhausted, and so were my mom, dad, and brother...but we had a 4 hour car ride ahead of us... ;] It was a good ride. We were maybe 45 minutes from home when my mom and I started singing kid's songs and nursery rhymes to keep her awake and alert for the rest of the drive. That was kind of fun, even though I just wanted to sleeeeep! We got home---and were SO GLAD. It was around midnight....and I had to work the next day and had a super busy weekend...so I think I'm still recovering.... *sigh*
You may not have wanted to read all of this...and I know it's all about how crazy MY life is... Sorry. It was kind of a big thing and I felt like I should share, so, lucky you. ;]

blogging

So, I decided to get a blog. I thought it was a cool idea, and now maybe I won't spend so much time on facebook. I'd like to blog more, cuz I realized how much I enjoyed writing facebook notes. So enough about facebook. I really am looking forward to writing more--it'll take some more extra thought to write really cool things, cuz it's not my best area of talent...haha, but I love reading awesome stuff--does that count? I love literature quite a bit. I love finding stuff that has hidden meaning, symbolism, etc. I'm gonna work on writing it here...or maybe I'll just give boring updates of my day. We'll see how strongly I hold to that.
Main point: I'm excited to try some awesome new things with this blog.

the end.

All about me...

This is another one of my facebook notes where you're supposed to post 25 things about yourself...

1. I'm kinda scared about doing this. No joke. I have no idea what I'm gonna say. I almost thought about asking someone if they had a hard time coming up with things....which may be was stupid
2. so then I figured I'd just start typing. =]
3. I really like to sing, and act, and be silly.
4. Sometimes stupid things (mainly things I cause) get in the way and I can't be as happy and silly as I'd like. But I really do love being ME; and want it to be pleasant for everybody else. Any suggestions?
5. I do ballet; and enjoy it
6. Greenleaf Music and Arts Academy is the most awesome, uplifting place EVER.
7. The PEOPLE at Greenleaf Music and Arts Academy are THE MOST amazing part of my life and I would never be able to live without them. Love you all!
8. My Savior, my Heavenly Daddy is worthy of all my love--I am not worthy of any of His, however, he freely offers it to me, and I sometimes never give Him any.
9. I really love people. I love to make them happy and joyful and energized. I want to solve people's problems and make everything better. But it's God's job to slap that band-aid on your forehead; mine is to pray for the wound to heal.
10. Sometimes I don't know how to get away from myself to focus on other people. I need help.
11. I'm working on it--pray for me. =]
12. My brothers (David and Brian) are the two most amazingly fabulous brothers on the face of this earth. I respect them and love them SO much--they have been great examples to me; and I'm about to cry...just cuz they are so great. =]
13. I'm really thankful for my parents. They rock.
13. I wish I read more books; I really love to read, but I can't do it unless I have a ton of free time. ha.
14. I LOVE to learn and hope to discover and learn new things for the rest of my life.
15. I really like making lists....like.. I LOVE making lists.
16.This is actually really fun! I should do this more often.
17. Darn, I wasted one.
18. Aghhh! another one!
18. I like to play volleyball, and like to drive. ooh, and watch football. haha. I just snuck like 4 into one! (that's not cheating, is it?) :D
19. I love YOU very much. yes, I do.
20. ooh, I really really love to watch old TV shows. (Dick Van Dyke, Mary Tyler Moore, Hogan's Heroes, I Love Lucy, Get Smart, Columbo, Mission Impossible...etc)
21. I really like cooking desserts...yum
21 1/2. I've never been to Antarctica.
22. I think little kids are amazing...they bring me so much joy. ♥
23. I really like the Psalms..and Philippians, and all those Epistles.
24. I want go to MNU...=]
25. I cheated and did like 30... ;] can you figure it out?
Okay, I can't resist.
26. I have two really cute kittens named Tucker and Grace. They are my BEST friends. =D
27. Movies are really good.
28. I wish Janice had a facebook. But just so you guys know. I love her a lot.
29. I get nervous kind of easily when I'm about to do something important, which I guess is natural, but I hate it. And then I get nervous that I'm gonna get nervous...it messes me up. But I'm getting better. =]
30. loneliness is just a crime, so say hello.
31. I like the movie Daddy Day Care. It's gooood. =] wite dat down.
32. You guys are awesome to have read this far. thanks. if you skipped....shame shame. just kidding. I'm having more fun writing this.. I'm actually kinda learning more about myself... putting a name to the things I normally just think about. :)

Simple Thoughts

This is a note from my facebook in January.


God loves us the way we are, but he loves us too much to leave us that way. -Anonymous

I've been thinking. yay for me.

Life is hard, no?

God is totally on our side; he loves us.
Without His grace and mercy, I don't know where I'd be, nor do I really want to think about it.
I'm not good at life...
My flesh thinks it knows it's stuff...it thinks it knows what it's talking about. It has no idea. I go, "God, why have you let this happen?" Why are things going this way? Things are supposed to be going well for me! You did it wrong!" hmm. I think I'm finding out I'm the one who's wrong.
God always has been, is being, and always will be SO faithful...and always works things out.
I think he's totally there to help us, but sometimes the thing we need the most is a challenge or two...to make sure we are staying strong. That will change us and shape us to his image better than we ever could in a life that is perfect and easy. It glorifies Him to see us trusting and praising him...even when life gives us its worst. ugh. it's so hard, but he doesn't give us more than we can handle.

Isaiah 29:16
You turn things upside down,
as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!
Shall what is formed say to him who formed it,
"He did not make me"?
Can the pot say of the potter,
"He knows nothing"?

He changes our plans--they weren't in fact, our plans to begin with. My flesh-my human nature makes them mine...I think I have rights to them...but He has it under control. WE don't have to worry. He's not going to "mess up my life"...no way. I will let Him mold me and shape me to what I should be. At least, I'm trying...but I fail. lots.

I love Him. I love how he knows everything; sees everything, and hears everything. He is the silent listener at every table. He knows are thoughts, our desires...EVERYTHING. I love that My God is a perfect God; that he loves me unconditionally, and helps me to love others...even when I fail time after time after time after time. It only takes a moment to mess it all up--but he keeps no record of our wrongs--He is amazing. He is loving--he is not "me-first", but is completely patient, kind, and disciplines those he loves gently. *sigh* ♥

Psalm 121-
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.